Spinning Out of Control
by thatkategirl82
Summary: The thing is, people who feel the need to control everything often, in actuality, feel out of control on the inside. Norma is left alone with her thoughts the night Alex takes Norman to Pineview.


**Hey hey there Bates Motel friends! I just binge watched the entire show and fell head over heels in love with it (and especially with Normero). This is my first Bates Motel fic (and my first fic in a very, very long time) so I'm anxiously awaiting to hear what you think. This story is set after Norman gets taken to Pineview with a focus on Norma and what she might be going through. Please, please review and enjoy the story! Thanks for reading! :)**

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 **Spinning Out of Control**

 _The thing is, people who feel the need to control everything often, in actuality, feel out of control on the inside. Do you ever feel that way?_

Norma sank down onto her bed. She was completely and totally exhausted from the horrible events of today. She was no stranger to emotionally trying situations considering her entire life had been one horrible event after another, but _today_ …today she had to put her baby in a mental institution and she hated herself for it. Today, she felt like she had finally hit rock bottom.

How could she do this to Norman? How could she send him away from her to a place full of strangers? She knew he needed help, she wasn't stupid, but why did he need help in the first place? What had she done that had been so, so bad to drive him to the mental state he was in? All she had done was love him! But still, she knew it was her fault. She knew that she didn't protect him enough or maybe she protected him too much. For the first time in her life, Norma had been genuinely afraid of Norman as she faced him tonight in the basement while he held the gun, and she hated herself even more for being afraid of her own child. He would never hurt her and she _knew_ that. This was just another bullet point on the long list of reasons why she was a horrendous person.

Why couldn't she ever be good enough for anyone?

She hadn't been good enough for her parents, for Sam, for Dylan, and now she had let down the one person she had tried so, so hard to always be there for.

"I'm a horrible mother," Norma breathed the words out loud before she realized what she was saying, and then clapped a hand over her mouth.

Hot tears leaked from her eyes and slid down her porcelain cheeks with a vengeance as a deep sob rattled its way out of her mouth and into the hand she still had pressed over her lips. The first sob was followed by more and she curled into herself on her bed, hugging her knees as tightly to her chest as was humanly possible. Her baby, her Norman, was being driven to Pineview with Alex at this very moment and she couldn't stand the fact that all she could do right now was lay on her bed, uselessly, crying harder than she had cried in a very long time.

As she cried and her thoughts continued to spiral dangerously, Norma lost touch with the world around her. She disappeared farther and farther into the darkest recesses of her own mind, the hatred and disgust for herself bubbling up painfully in a way that it hadn't since she'd been a thirteen year old girl listening to her parents scream, and scream, and scream…

A shrill noise startled Norma out of her reverie and her heavy, tired eyes snapped open. It took her a moment but she recognized the ring of her cell phone. She bolted up instantly, her head spinning a bit from the sudden motion, but payed it no mind as she frantically began searching her body and her bed for her phone. She had no idea where it had ended up after everything that happened tonight. There was only one person who would be calling her this late at night and there was only one reason. She found the small iPhone a moment later and swiped to answer the call with a shaky hand.

"Alex?" Her voice choked.

"Hey, Norma," His voice was quiet and tired, "Norman's been admitted. He's safe. I'm sorry if I woke you up but I thought you'd want to know."

Norma let out a choked sob, gripping the phone tightly to her cheek, "Thank you." Her voice was a shaky whisper and when Alex didn't respond right away, she didn't think he had heard her. She cleared her throat to try and speak again when his hesitant voice spoke first.

"I know this is tough," He spoke softly but with a certainty to his words that only Alex Romero could get away with. "You did the right thing, Norma. This is what he needs."

Norma couldn't respond as she once again unraveled into a series of heaving sobs. She clutched the phone to her face with one shaky hand, pressing the other over her mouth to try and muffle the noise of her breakdown from Alex. Having Norman taken away from her, even though it had been her idea and she knew, logically, that it was for the best, was like ripping her heart out of her chest while it was still beating. The one person in her life that she had ever felt she could count on and trust to stay was gone, and it was by her own hand that it had happened.

Alex was talking into the phone but Norma couldn't make out what he was saying. Her chest was suddenly incredibly tight and she felt like she was being suffocated as if all the air in her bedroom had suddenly been sucked out. She dropped her phone, barely noticing as it clattered onto the wooden floor, and wrapped both arms around her middle, leaning forward and rocking slightly as she gasped. Her lungs were burning and every attempt she made to breathe was useless because, despite her quick breaths, she didn't seem to be able to pull in any oxygen. She began to see spots and barely registered that she had ended up on the floor beside her bed, having no idea how she'd ended up there.

Norma blinked rapidly, trying to get a handle on herself, but her vision was blurry and the dark edges were encroaching faster and faster. Her lungs were screaming, aching in their attempt to pull in some air, and for a moment she wondered if she would die alone laying her on her bedroom floor.

The worst part was that she didn't even care. She deserved to suffer after the pain she had caused Norman tonight.

"Norma, it's okay. You're okay. You're safe."

Faintly, Norma felt someone touching her smaller form. There were hands on her shoulders and she wasn't folded over on top of herself anymore, she was leaning back against someone's warm and solid figure.

"Listen to my voice, Norma. You need to breathe. In through your nose and out through your mouth. Can you do that for me?"

Norma's mind was loud, an almost horrific ringing filling her ears, but she could just make out the voice through the turmoil and she grasped onto it. She tried to listen and do as she was told, breathing in through her nose and out through her mouth. Almost immediately she felt her lungs stop screaming as the oxygen flooded in for the first time in what felt like hours.

"Just like that," The voice, her lifeline, praised her. "Keep it up. Deep, slow breaths. In through your nose and out through your mouth. You're okay. You're okay."

As her breathing began to calm down, Norma began to slowly regain her sense of reality. She didn't know how long she'd been sitting there, just focusing on breathing like the voice was telling her to, when she finally pried her heavy eyelids open. The faint light in the room burned; even the one lamp that was turned on seemed to be too much for her right now. Everything was too much right now.

Norma's eyes traveled around the room, landing on the arms that were wrapped around her small figure and to her hands that were grasping them so hard she was shaking. Realizing, she immediately released her grip and almost flinched at the pain of her stiffened joints straightening themselves out. She kept her eyes trained on the tan arms that remained in their position resting lightly against her, surveying the ugly fingerprints she'd left behind.

She turned her head, slowly, and met Alex Romero's dark gaze watching her with care.

Norma's mouth dropped open to sputter out an apology or an explanation or whatever words came to her first but Alex beat her too it.

"It's okay," He said, a sense of finality in his tone, "You're okay, Norma. I know what panic attacks are like so I just want you to relax and breathe. I'm here."

Norma met his eyes, debating on if she should try to say something else or apologize for the tearful, snotty state she was in. She wanted to beg his forgiveness for leaving ugly handprints on his arms where she'd been holding onto him like he was the only thing grounding her to this world. She decided against it, though, letting her tired eyes close themselves. Her mind and body were exhausted and she just didn't have the strength to find any words. She didn't even know when Alex had showed up or how he'd gotten into her locked house but at this moment she had never been more grateful that he had.

As she hovered between consciousness and unconsciousness, she felt the gentle pressure of Alex's lips press against her forehead.

"I'm here for you, Norma Bates."

A small smile tugged at the corners of Norma's lips as she allowed his words to wash through her for just a moment before she relaxed into a gentle slumber.

Maybe everything would be okay.

 _I control my own life. I'm in total control of my own life. I have a lot going on. I have a lot to deal with but I do not feel powerless. Ever._


End file.
